We are hoping that all the odds are in our favor. With the endometriosis taken care of, bigger (and hopefully stronger) follicles, and a stronger trigger shot (Novarel…HCG instead of Ovidrel) we are hoping this cycle will be successful. Lots of people praying for us…thank you! and lots of prayers going up from us. Hopefully this is God’s will and we’ll end up with a healthy pregnancy.

Our doctor had an emergency with another patient this morning, so the nurses did the iui. We felt okay with this. They’ve been doing a lot of our ultrasounds since the office is down to one doctor now and they’ve done a great job. But our doctor called us this afternoon to apologize for not being the one to do the iui. Not many doctors would do that. We are really happy with her and the nursing staff there.

We went for a baseline ultrasound today to start our next iui cycle. We are very optimistic because having this surgery is supposed to increase our chances of conceiving. Also, I had to be on birth control for the surgery and the doctor said follicles usually grow better when coming off of birth control. Optimistic, but also praying for God’s will. I know there is a purpose for all of this, but I’m not sure yet what it is. Here’s a quote from a novel I’m reading right now that goes along with this situation: “You can’t know what God’s purpose is for the things that have happened until you see the end. It’s like the end of a good story. Everything looks real bad until you get to the last chapter.”

So, last day of school – 5 days after the Methotrexate shot – I started having horrible cramping on my left side. Our nurse is always warning me that if I have a very severe pain on one side to call them immediately because it might indicate an ectopic pregnancy. So, we called and the doctor said to come in. Only problem was – we were in the middle of a tornado watch with the tornado alarms going off. So, we called from our stairwell to the basement and as soon as the alarms stopped we took off. I felt like I overreacted when we got there because the pain had stopped, but the doctor was very understanding. He opened up the office (they had been closed for a couple of hours), did an ultrasound, and drew blood (he did a better job than the lab at the local hospital). The ultrasound was clear. He said everything looked good and that I had wonderful ovaries. He thought the pain was just from the Methotrexate working. The blood work was sent off the next day. It was only 44, so the nurse told me to have it drawn again the day we left for Seattle. So, that morning, we got up really early and got to the lab just as it opened. Then we went home to wait for the results. We didn’t want to leave for Seattle if they might tell us to come in for another shot. When they called, the nurse gave me the best news to start our vacation! Negative! And today, my period started. So, we’re off to the doctor’s office tomorrow or Firday to start iui #3. Yay! I’m so excited and feeling very positive about this cycle!

Okay, I’m not a baby about having shots. I had to have allergy shots all the time growing up. It was really scary thinking that this medicine is a chemotherapy drug! Even though my nurse reassured me that it was a small dose and that I probably wouldn’t have any side effects, it was still scary. But, if I didn’t take it, I run the risk of infection or other complications. So right now, we are waiting until Thursday to test again. Please God, let it have gone down a lot! If it goes down by at least half, the doctor’s office is happy. If not, back to Lubbock for another shot. 4 1/2 weeks of “miscarrying”… I just want this to be over!

On a good note…we expressed our concern about when we would get to try again. This summer is bound to be a lot less stressful than the school year and we wanted to be able to try again in June. Our nurse said that was being very optimistic and that July looked better. Well, that gets into summer band for Keith, so July would probably not work. Then school (and stress) starts in August, so that month would probably not work. BUT, the doctor said June would be great (as long as my levels are below 5 before we start again). So right now, I am on birth control (I know, I know…birth control while trying to get pregnant?!) to regulate my cycle. At least now we know that, as long as my period starts after the birth control pills, we will be going back in about 3 weeks to start another iui cycle. YAY! That’s so much better than not knowing when or thinking we won’t be able to go back until September!

I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s ever done this, but I calculated an estimated due date IF my period were to start immediately after the three weeks of birth control and IF we were to get pregnant during this next cycle…March 18th. I’m excited to start again.

I hope that I can focus on the trying again and stop thinking so much about the baby that I won’t ever get to hold. I think knowing that we have a timeline to start again has helped me to not be so focused on the miscarriage. Now, don’t get me wrong. I still think about it every day. I still have days that I feel like crying all day long. But they don’t come as often. Just trying to think good thoughts about June!

YES! I am a mother. I don’t care that others don’t see me as a mother. Even though we only had two days to get excited about being pregnant before we miscarried, and even though we miscarried so early, it was still a baby to me. A lot of my friends treat my miscarriage like it was no big deal because “it wasn’t really a baby” but to me and to many others who know exactly what I’m going through, it WAS a baby. So, yes. I do have the right to celebrate Mother’s Day.

My loving husband gave me the most beautiful and comforting Mother’s Day card today. Of course, I cried (I’ve been doing that all day). It really helps to have someone who is so loving and understanding when I feel like I have to cry or I feel like I just can’t make it through church. Thank you sweetheart! I love you so much!

My wonderful sister-in-law just posted this YouTube video on Facebook. I’d like to share it with any mother who has lost her baby to miscarriage. Thank you Barbara!